Before We Turn to Stone

my feet

I turn 30 in a little over a month.

In the greater scheme of things, this is not a particularly dramatic occurrence. 30 is, to be sure, a milestone birthday of sorts. It is to be celebrated, like all birthdays. But it’s not a fireworks and foie gras event here.

And yet…

I am so different from who I was a mere 9 or 10 years ago. Astronomically, earth shatteringly, mind bendingly different. And that was the plan! I looked at 30 from 21 and thought I had it all figured out. A plan, a certainty of fate. I was going to be a whole new person! An adult. Have it together.

And here I am, a whole new person! An adult! But it is nothing like I imagined it. And many times I still feel like that wisp of a an alcoholic 21 year old girl.

And that’s fucking with my head.


I have been planning a road trip. To the ocean. All by myself.

I have no idea when it will happen. but it will happen in my 30th year.

And i will use the time to screw my head on. And become who I am supposed to be.

And celebrate.


One thought on “Before We Turn to Stone

  1. Judith says:

    I found you from the comment that you left on The Modern Reject. I read it and thought, “I need to find this girl!” Thankfully, you have a blog (what would we do without the internet???)

    I’m 31. I found it a great relief to turn 30 though it did take a while for that feeling of “21 year old girl” to go away. Funny, my age of regret was 19. It did slip away, eventually. Don’t be afraid to give it time.

    Anyway, I will be praying for you, that your trip to the ocean is full of revival and hope.


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